"This place has everything: Mr. Miagi impersonators, skinny cholos, a jacuzzi of expired milk, a Polynesian nanny who looks like Smokey Robinson... ...and look who just walked in! Is it Natalie Portman? No! It's an old Irish Black man we all call "Murphy Brown"! Plus, if you come on Sundays, you can meet the two year-old Ultimate Fighting champion Drooly Lips Jackson - he's got fists like little empanadas! ...And he's my best friend."

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